Overcoming the Fear of Aging

By Leo Babauta

Last year, I turned 50 years old … and I found myself thinking about aging more than I ever had before. To be clear, 50 years old is still pretty young, but there’s something about the number that had me realizing that my 60s and 70s aren’t very far away, and it was a bit confronting to me.

After all, I’d spent most of my life thinking that growing old was something to fear. It’s a cultural assumption that goes deep into our society — beliefs that being old means you are feeble, weak, helpless, irrelevant. I know that that isn’t really true — but we’re constantly given cultural messages that it is true.

So when I turned 50, I spent some time sitting with this. What does it mean to me to grow older? What are my fears? What are my prejudices? How do I want my older years to be?

As an exercise, I highly recommend that you start to notice your own biases about aging and being old, and notice how often people around you (and in the media you consume) talk about aging as if it’s a bad thing. The word “old” is used as an insult. If you say you’re old, other people will tell you, “Oh, you’re not old yet” as if you were insulting yourself. Or, “It’s OK, you don’t look old.” Or, “You look young for your age!” These are meant to be reassuring, because being old is assumed to be bad.

It’s all around us. And when everyone and everything we encounter treats being old, and aging, as something bad, then of course we’re going to fear it. It’s similar to old cultural messages about being overweight, being gay, or having a mental disability. These are all turned into insults, which means if we are any of these things, we are meant to feel ashamed.

Let’s rebel against all of that! Reclaim being old, reclaim aging. If we can change these messages, at least to ourselves, then the fear and shame lose their power over us.

So here are some things I’ve done in the past 18 months to transform my relationship to aging:

1. I started noticing my own biases against aging and old age. And started noticing it in the way others talk about aging and being old.
2. I started pointing this hidden agism out to others, lovingly. And changing my language around all of it.
3. I started seeing people who are empowered in their old age — athletes, Nobel prize winners, incredible artists, people who are pillars in their communities, monks and sages, gardeners and house builders. I started seeing them as my models.
4. I started envisioning how I want to be in my older years. Empowered, compassionate, creative, adventurous, learning, expanding. Gentle, kind, and curious.
5. I began to sit with my fears of being powerless. This is the hidden beast underneath our fears about aging — none of us want to feel powerless, and yet we are all descending into helplessness eventually. So I found places where I already feel powerless, and began to bring compassion to myself whenever I feel it.
6. I see every challenge that will come to me in old age — physical, mental, emotional, relational, career, spiritual — as exactly the edge for me to practice with, when they come. My strength and wisdom will only deepen as I encounter these challenges, as they have with all of my challenges so far.

And with this, I now feel so in love with growing older!

It’s a magical thing, living into this new chapter of my life. I feel more patient, more compassionate, more connected to others, than ever before. And I look forward to the adventure that awaits me as my body and mind and spirit continue to evolve.

I wish you all love as you progress in your journeys as well.

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